Lost in Space

Acrylic on canvas, 2011, 15" x 8".

The journey is confusing, filled with opportunities to go wrong. I wasn't sure where I needed to be. I likened the journey to being lost in space, not knowing which planet to land on. But hopefully one day I will know.

Untitled poem (17/5/2012)

I hate this world and all it represents.
I just need to go home.
I hate the way they make me feel,
The way I lost all hope of return.
I hate that they don't believe me,
My need to go home and be free.
I hate what they do to make me stay,
They took my hope from me today.
I hate the accusations that they make
And all they do to prove me wrong.
I hate the Earth people's plan.
All I want is to return.
I hate that they make me live a lie,
The way they stop me finding the truth.
I hate the way they put me down,
Discredit reality because it suits them to.
I hate living as someone I'm not,
But 'reality' is a dirty word to them.
I hate all the pretending,
How they make me live on the wrong planet
And stop me from going home.

Quick update

I haven't posted recently because things have been a little on the annoying side.

I am still painting and writing, but haven't decided what I want to share here. I will post something in the near future. But for now just a short rant.

Things have changed a little. I find myself not caring about things, not bothered about things that once not so long ago I knew were important. So I have decided to aim for a compromise, which hopefully will be better than either extreme. A few weeks ago, it was too important to find the answers. Too important that it was causing me stress. The answers I was looking for were not easy to find, and I haven't yet found them. Yet over the last week or so I have found that I don't particularly care whether I do or don't find them.

So why can't they matter, but not to the extent that it frustrates me so much? This I can live with. I don't want to lose sight of what I need to know (the answers I am on about are not the great philosophical answers, but answers to a personal situation), but equally I need to know that I am making the best of the situation as it is and not letting it get me down.

One day I hope it will all come to me, not as one of my 'revelations' (that usually turn out to be wrong) but as an answer I know I can trust. And I hope that day is sooner rather than later. Plus I hope I still care about resolving the situation in question, and I haven't let it be forgotten.