Sunday, 30 September 2012

Do You See What I See?

Acrylic on canvas, 2010, 16" x 16".

There isn't really that much I can say about this painting, other than it is one of only a very small number of accurately detailed paintings I have done. I find it difficult to go into this much detail, and I prefer to work big. It is the meaning that is most important for me to get across.

The text is the words that he is saying to her, to torment her. "You will surrender to my demands."

What inspired this painting was that about a year earlier I had a period of bad insomnia, that led to me experiencing a number of unpleasant hallucinations. One of which was people I didn't recognise coming into my home even though my door is always locked. I always feared that they were there to attack me, and the fear of them returning when I was asleep only made the insomnia worse. In fact the most recent panic attack I had was when I saw somebody appear by my bedroom window one night and I became convinced that he was waiting for me to fall asleep so he could attack me. Even when he was gone I feared his return.

To be honest, I actually wonder if my so called psychosis is actually a combination of anxiety with insomnia.

Thankfully these hallucinations reduced when I got back into a better sleep pattern, but they didn't go away all together. Though the good thing is that now I can say that there has been a number of months since they tried to come into my life.


  1. I would never accept the attitude from the painting...I would kick his butt :). But I do get the message and I feel her torment. Your fears are terrible, I can only hope you'll get to "master" them, you seem like a very strong person :).

  2. Thank you for your kind words, Unikorna.

    Apart from the occasional dip, I am slowly getting there to where I can find more peace in my life. It is always good to refuse to be treated badly. I would say that I have a lot more inner strength now than I did at the time of painting this.

  3. As soon as I saw the painting I related to it and thought of a few past moments of my life.
    Lack of sleep, insomnia total torture. I have suffered from it, and even recently have had some sleep issues.
    So glad you have and are overcoming these challenges, so happy for you. :)

  4. Thank you for your kind words, My Meddling Mind.

    Sleep issues certainly suck, and I think my psychosis only makes matters a lot worse. I definitely need my 8 hours, or things quickly spiral out of control.

    But I want to keep heading in the positive direction. And everything that helps me do that is a good thing.

    I hope you are sleeping better now.

  5. Hi LOS,
    I'm visiting vis unikorna... and thank you for visiting my blog recently!!
    I find your paintings to be remarkable; readily understandable; completely descriptive of life. I think we all might have a 'boogie man"... or boogie subject. But overall, you have one beautiful blog with lots of sharing from the heart. Good for you! ~Dixie

  6. Thank you for your kind words, Dixie.

    Expressing the experiences I go through, both good and bad, is what I aim to do with my painting. It both helps me get it all out, and also tells my story. I agree that everyone probably does have at least one demon.