Thursday, 10 January 2013


Acrylic on canvas, 2010, 16" x 20".

This is actually a self portrait, but with a difference. I can't remember for certain what I was so confused about, but I can imagine that it was either what was what following the insomnia induced worsening of my psychosis in 2009 or it was the way I didn't feel a part of this world. Or maybe a mixture of both?

Confusion is a feeling that particularly gets to me. Even though I feel the most confusion when on the way out of a bad episode. The time of feeling most confused was when I first went on the medication I take, but eventually after about 6 months things started to seem clearer. Little things, especially numbers and maths, can still get me feeling confused. But thankfully I am no longer feeling so confused about the world around me. So at least that is progress.


  1. Being in a state if confusion can be so hard, I applaude you on getting treatment and working hard for your recovery. Indeed, it is progress. In one of my recovery suppory groups we have a motto that says "progress not perfection" It reminds to be grateful and proud of progress. Thank you for sharing your self potrait and milestones. I enjoyed your post!


  2. Thank you for your kind words, Madison.

    Every step forward is definitely a good thing. And it is right not to expect perfection, because if we aim too high then we will only be disappointed. 'Progress not perfection' is a good saying, I like it.

  3. My dear human friend,

    You have much to be proud of. And my human knows of the disorienting feeling he got when he went onto new medication. He seems better now.

    And I know that my human, Gary, embraces the "progress not perfection" motto that Madison has shared here. I know you are realistic, my friend. And your steady progress towards a happier, healthier life, continues in a most inspiring way. Well done.

    Pawsitive wishes, Penny the Jack Russell dog and next 'Paw Minister' of Britain! :)

  4. Hi. I think I've spotted the 'difference' in your self-portrait: You are not in it. Or is that too obvious? Perhaps it's a view of you mental state at the time.
    I like the painting; it reminds me a bit of work by the cubist painter Juan Gris.
    Click here for Bazza’s Blog ‘To Discover Ice’

  5. Thank you for your positive words Penny (and Gary).

    I am so glad to no longer experience these muddled feelings. I do think it is important to work with feelings, and move slowly but surely towards the more positive. I have taken a bit of a dip lately but of course as long as overall I can keep going in the right direction that is what matters.

  6. Thank you Bazza for your kind words.

    Indeed I am not actually in this portrait. It is a representation of what was going on in my mind at that time. I will look at the work of Juan Gris.