Saturday, 6 April 2013

Losing Control

Acrylic on canvas, 2010, 14.5" x 14.5".

At the time of painting this I was struggling with being taken over by somebody else and I was losing control of my entire identity. 'Me' was becoming more and more distorted as I became a smaller part of who I was. Hence the circles becoming smaller and more distorted. I don't remember why I chose the chess board design for the background. Perhaps I just thought it looked good. A simple more abstract design seemed to fit what I needed to express.


As an update from where I was a couple of weeks ago when I wrote my last post, things still aren't that good but I am trying to keep going in the hope that something better has to come soon. Motivation still is a big issue which just sucks.

I hope everyone reading is ok though.


  1. And through your painting, you express, you verbalise, you reflect. I know, no matter where you are with your feelings, you can use what you have painted as a measure of how your life changes.

    Motivation can be a challenge. Especially when even the simplest of tasks can be daunting. You were motivated enough to post and share your valid feelings. Embrace, in your own time, without pressure, some activities that you might like to do. Go slowly and don't place unrealistic expectations of yourself.

    My friend, I'm always here for you.

    In kindness and understanding,

    Gary :)

  2. Thank you for your kind words, Gary.

    Definitely through looking at past paintings I can see I am in a very different place to what I was then, and that does help me to feel better in the present.

    I do hope my motivation returns soon, but definitely for now doing one thing at a time is a good place to start.

  3. Gary above has made some very good comments. Don't give up and keep finding new things to do and painting is a good way to release what you are feeling on the inside.
    I knew exactly what you meant when you said about the circles becoming smaller, but on the other hand, I can also see the circles becoming larger if you reverse the process too. It's a bit like saying, things may get better but we don't always know how or when.

  4. Thank you for your kind words, Rum-Punch Drunk.

    That is an interesting way of seeing this painting and it makes complete sense. The circles could definitely be going either way and mean something completely different looking at it the other way. I do hope that things turn around soon, that I can get motivated and get back to my painting.

  5. I am sure putting your fears into colors helps you somehow in handling them a bit better...I am SURE you will be fine, I have a very good feeling about you...honestly.

  6. Thank you for your kind words, Unikorna.

    Indeed it does help a lot to get my fears down in my paintings, which is one of the reasons I love art so much. I will try to hold on to the hope you have for me, because there will be a day when I feel back to my usual self.

  7. Hi Lost in space, I'm glad to see you are keeping your hopes as high. I can identify much with your painting. I'm ok. :-)

  8. Thank you for your kind words, Madison.

    A lot of things are really difficult right now, so it is just taking one day at a time. But I don't want to lose all hope. Sometimes it helps to just have one good thing going on.